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Benner-Mann | Delightful Wedding Story

Lindsay Benner, a professional juggler, honed her talents at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco after graduating college. As the finale to her street performance there, Ms. Benner would select two men from the audience, climb up and stand on their folded arms, then juggle flaming torches above their heads. "The trick to juggling is being willing to let everything fall to the ground," said Ms. Benner, now 31, a native of Berkeley, Calif., and a graduate of the University of Connecticut with an M.F.A. in acting.

Yet in matters of love, she abhorred juggling. By 2009, she had had a string of monogamous relationships, none lasting much more than a year. Performing often conflicted with her love life. She has traveled to Ireland, Japan and New Zealand, among other far-flung places, and no beau ever joined her worldwide tours. She moved to Los Angeles to act in films and commercials, and perform at the Comedy Store, the Magic Castle and on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. She also began dating an "attractive, well-built, bubbly" man, the type she never would have dated in high school as a shy teenager. "He was the way I would have imagined my dream guy," she said. They had been happily dating for four months, and she "was all in — but he was into keeping his options open," she said.

Just before Christmas that year, Ms. Benner was at a party with her boyfriend, and in walked Dan Das Mann, now 43, a sculptor visiting from San Francisco. He and Ms. Benner locked eyes. Both felt an intense zing. Ms. Benner was baffled. Was this love at first sight? "I’d never felt electrified by the sight of a perfect stranger," she said. Mr. Das Mann — whose creations are monumental sculptures set ablaze, and capped by fireworks and explosions, including 900 gallons of jet fuel that blew up into a mushroom cloud — had a similar reaction. "It was almost déjà vu, like I already knew her intimate secrets," he said. He was a year out of a long-term relationship and looking for love, but he didn’t anticipate finding it on another man’s lap. Later at the party, she ran into him alone in an empty room. Spontaneously, they hugged and then began talking. She soon learned she had seen Mr. Das Mann at the Burning Man arts festival in 2005. She had been captivated by one of his artistic collaborations: a 40-foot steel sculpture of a mother passing fire to her child. After viewing it, she approached the longhaired, bearded "older hippie dude" to thank him for his work. She hadn’t recognized Mr. Das Mann, who now had short hair and was clean-shaven, with mischievous blue-green eyes. After two hours, Ms. Benner, whose onstage persona is described as half Lucille Ball and half Charlie Chaplin, told a joke. He didn’t laugh. Instead, he asked pointedly: "Have I really found you? Are you the one?" Before she could answer, Ms. Benner’s boyfriend entered the room, and she left with him.

Ms. Benner, who is known for her common sense, woke the next day feeling uncharacteristically confused. "I felt more connected to Dan than the person who I was meant to be in love with," she said. Mr. Das Mann was not her type: he was older than her dating range, four inches shorter than she was, and much more unconventional as an artist and developer of workspaces for artists. For Mr. Das Mann, who is known for his determination, the next day meant calling his mother, Barbara Lowry of Dallas, as he did daily. "I told her I’d found the one I am going to marry," he said. "Only she had a boyfriend." Ms. Lowry describes her son as "a force" and "able to accomplish absurd achievements against all odds." She had no doubt her son would prevail. "There’s no give-up in Danny, she said.

A week later, after exchanging a few texts, Mr. Das Mann and Ms. Benner agreed to meet when she was visiting family in the Bay Area for the holidays. They could be friends, she told him, refusing to call it a date. It was a marathon day; they shared a formal tea ceremony, went bowling and saw a movie. The "non date" was filled with witty conversation, laughter and a deep familiarity. A second outing was equally adventurous and similarly chaste. "I felt pretty sure that if I pushed, Lindsay would bolt," said Mr. Das Mann, who that week saw her perform her act at the waterfront. He was in awe: she charmed her audience with her flashing blue eyes, then persuaded them to pay for a show that minutes before they had no intention of seeing. "Lindsay is fearless," he said. Later that week, the third time they were together, he couldn’t help himself. He made his move: a single kiss. "In that kiss I saw a vision of my future: full of amazing people, adventures and creativity," she said. But she was torn; she told him she had to see the other relationship through or she would forever wonder what-if.

For six weeks, she juggled the weight of the two relationships — a precarious feat. She and Mr. Das Mann exchanged more than a thousand texts, and then, overwhelmed, she asked for a complete break. Mr. Das Mann, impressed by her kindness and integrity, respected her wish, but then he broke the silence with a single text of one comma. "The comma was to signify that in my opinion, we were just on pause," he said.

On Valentine’s Day weekend in 2010, the drama peaked. She was to perform at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles. He was in town for a party in which he would coach guests to weld an enormous sculpture. But Cupid had a sense of humor: Ms. Benner’s boyfriend, who was also a producer of artistic performances, was Mr. Das Mann’s supervisor at that event. Ms. Benner said her boyfriend was aware and apprehensive of the connection between her and Mr. Das Mann. That night, Mr. Das Mann slipped away to see her show (without the approval of his supervisor). Seeing Mr. Das Mann in the audience, Ms. Benner realized he had been devoted to her from the moment he met her. "He’d supported me artistically, and in my hard decision-making," she said. "My happiness mattered to him." With Mr. Das Mann waiting nearby, she made a teary breakup call that night, freeing herself to follow her heart. Then, she fell into Mr. Das Mann’s arms. "Can we go home now?" he recalled asking her.

That night, their first together, they each proposed marriage. On June 15, after three years of worldwide adventures and mutual support of their artistic pursuits, the couple married at the Ralston White Retreat in Mill Valley, Calif., with the Rev. Patricia de Jong, a Congregationalist minister, officiating. The 130 guests, including Ms. Benner’s parents, Patricia E. Benner, a retired professor at the University of California, San Francisco, and Richard V. Benner, an organizational sociologist and former assistant dean at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley, watched as the ceremony began with a juggler, then the entrance of eight hirsute groomsmen in gold-and-purple faux fur coveralls cut like tuxedos. ("I hope the mother of the bride forgives me," said Mr. Das Mann, who had surprised his attendants with the outrageous outfits.)

Circled by redwoods towering into a clear blue sky, sparks flew as men wielding torches cut figures into a steel door through which the couple entered. The couple vowed to "be insane, just the way you like it" and to always juggle and dance. The bride, in a one-shouldered custom dress from Thailand, occasionally stole the show with her off-the-cuff humor and pantomime. "Many men have fallen in Lindsay’s shadow," said Solana Fuller, the maid of honor. "She’s met her counterpart." During his toast, the bride’s father choked with emotion. "Lindsay and Dan will encounter many things in their future," he said, "but never boredom."

Each guest received a river rock, laser-engraved with an address on the outside and sent through the United States Postal Service. The rock was sliced and bound with wire, and inside were the laser-engraved details of the wedding. The rocks were meant to signify the couple’s lasting commitment. (Only one recipient called the police, fearing it was a grenade.)

NYT via The Atlantic Wire

Your Brain In Love

Graphic: James W. Lewis, West Virginia University (brain), and Jen Christiansen.

Click image to enlarge

... Researchers have revealed the fonts of desire by comparing functional MRI studies of people who indicated they were experiencing passionate love, maternal love or unconditional love. Together, the regions release neuro­transmitters and other chemicals in the brain and blood that prompt greater euphoric sensations such as attraction and pleasure. Conversely, psychiatrists might someday help individuals who become dan­gerously depressed after a heartbreak by adjusting those chemicals.

Passion also heightens several cognitive functions, as the brain regions and chemicals surge. “It’s all about how that network interacts,” says Stephanie Ortigue, an assistant professor of psychology at Syracuse University, who led the study. The cognitive functions, in turn, “are triggers that fully activate the love network.”

Scientific American via Neatorama

Recovering From A Romantic Breakup Is Like Recovering From Cocaine Addiction

Ari | Absurdist Nonfiction

Abstract:

Romantic rejection causes a profound sense of loss and negative affect. It can induce clinical depression and in extreme cases lead to suicide and/or homicide. To begin to identify the neural systems associated with this natural loss state, we used functional magnetic resonance imaging to study 10 women and 5 men who had recently been rejected by a partner but reported they were still intensely "in love." Participants alternately viewed a photograph of their rejecting beloved and a photograph of a familiar, individual, interspersed with a distraction-attention task. Their responses while looking at their rejecter included love, despair, good, and bad memories, and wondering why this happened. Activation specific to the image of the beloved occurred in areas associated with gains and losses, craving and emotion regulation and included the ventral tegmental area (VTA) bilaterally, ventral striatum, medial and lateral orbitofrontal/prefrontal cortex, and cingulate gyrus. Compared with data from happily-in-love individuals, the regional VTA activation suggests that mesolimbic reward/survival systems are involved in romantic passion regardless of whether one is happily or unhappily in love. Forebrain activations associated with motivational relevance, gain/loss, cocaine craving, addiction, and emotion regulation suggest that higher-order systems subject to experience and learning also may mediate the rejection reaction. The results show activation of reward systems, previously identified by monetary stimuli, in a natural, endogenous, negative emotion state. Activation of areas involved in cocaine addiction may help explain the obsessive behaviors associated with rejection in love.

More at the Journal of Neurophysiology

Via Gawker

The "Best" Of Craigslist

Every now and then, I wander into the terra incognita called The Best of Craigslist. Here are a few of the shorter ads, unedited.


Nitpicker wanted

The Hair Whisperers Lice Removal service is looking for someone based in San Fransisco to remove lice and eggs from people infected with lice. Qualified candidates should have valid driver's license, great close up eyesight, feel comfortable going into people's homes, be personable, good with children, and extremely detailed oriented. Squeamish people need not apply. A good sense of humor a plus! A background check is required, and references will be checked as well. To be considered, all applicants must include where they live, and what times and days they are available. Travel is not paid for. No Weekend Only please.

Driving is a large part of this job, and the longer you are willing to drive, the more you will work. Driving is unpaid. You can set your own hours, and choose when you work, but should be available at least a few hours every day. No 9-5-ers looking to start work at 6 pm, as children often go to sleep at 8. We will train qualified applicants.

This is an independent contractor position. Training is in Los Angeles. Training and travel to Los Angeles is unpaid and can take anywhere from five to ten hours. This job would be for supplemental income. Great job for stay at home moms looking to make extra money. Compensation: $50 an hour

Wanted: Taxidermist who watches a lot of kung fu

I am looking to hire someone with the means to obtain and stuff animals in fashions I choose, which will be Kung Fu for now. When I was younger I convinced a friend of mines dad to create two squirrels Kung Fu fighting. I still think about it from time to time and have decided to get my own Kung Fu animals, I understand this is a bizarre request. Serious inquiries only, please E-Mail me the species of animals you commonly hunt or can obtain and your rate for taxidermy of each in various Kung Fu poses. Mounting preferred. Once again I feel I must state this is serious. If you can show any of your previous work it will probably give you an edge on the competition. Please respond via/e-mail. Thank you.

Compensation: There will be payment, decent pay. Depends on quality of work and product which will vary.

hot homeless guy with beard and shaggy hair

you're young, hot, and homeless. you look to be about 20-25. you have brownish red shaggy hair and a nice beard. i could tell you were homeless because you were eating chips off the ground and you had urine soaked filthy pants on. i've always had a thing for the "starving artist" types and your homeless ruggedness is hot. i have seen you sleeping in one of the bus stops near public square. if you ever steal a laptop or break into a library or someone's home to use their computer, i hope you read this. ~Brittany R.

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit

I will pay you $1 USD to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit.
I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this.
I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure.
I will require at least a 5 minutes stay.
A neighbor will watch the front door from across the street and using a supplied stopwatch, will time your entry and departure.
Please supply your own footwear.
The noodles will be cooked, and therefore slippery.
DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.

Do you have a small, incontinent dog?

...or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know) Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me.

Note: I checked. Hair Whisperers is a real business in San Francisco.

Source: Best of Craigslist