The "Best" Of Craigslist

Every now and then, I wander into the terra incognita called The Best of Craigslist. Here are a few of the shorter ads, unedited.


Nitpicker wanted

The Hair Whisperers Lice Removal service is looking for someone based in San Fransisco to remove lice and eggs from people infected with lice. Qualified candidates should have valid driver's license, great close up eyesight, feel comfortable going into people's homes, be personable, good with children, and extremely detailed oriented. Squeamish people need not apply. A good sense of humor a plus! A background check is required, and references will be checked as well. To be considered, all applicants must include where they live, and what times and days they are available. Travel is not paid for. No Weekend Only please.

Driving is a large part of this job, and the longer you are willing to drive, the more you will work. Driving is unpaid. You can set your own hours, and choose when you work, but should be available at least a few hours every day. No 9-5-ers looking to start work at 6 pm, as children often go to sleep at 8. We will train qualified applicants.

This is an independent contractor position. Training is in Los Angeles. Training and travel to Los Angeles is unpaid and can take anywhere from five to ten hours. This job would be for supplemental income. Great job for stay at home moms looking to make extra money. Compensation: $50 an hour

Wanted: Taxidermist who watches a lot of kung fu

I am looking to hire someone with the means to obtain and stuff animals in fashions I choose, which will be Kung Fu for now. When I was younger I convinced a friend of mines dad to create two squirrels Kung Fu fighting. I still think about it from time to time and have decided to get my own Kung Fu animals, I understand this is a bizarre request. Serious inquiries only, please E-Mail me the species of animals you commonly hunt or can obtain and your rate for taxidermy of each in various Kung Fu poses. Mounting preferred. Once again I feel I must state this is serious. If you can show any of your previous work it will probably give you an edge on the competition. Please respond via/e-mail. Thank you.

Compensation: There will be payment, decent pay. Depends on quality of work and product which will vary.

hot homeless guy with beard and shaggy hair

you're young, hot, and homeless. you look to be about 20-25. you have brownish red shaggy hair and a nice beard. i could tell you were homeless because you were eating chips off the ground and you had urine soaked filthy pants on. i've always had a thing for the "starving artist" types and your homeless ruggedness is hot. i have seen you sleeping in one of the bus stops near public square. if you ever steal a laptop or break into a library or someone's home to use their computer, i hope you read this. ~Brittany R.

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit

I will pay you $1 USD to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit.
I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this.
I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure.
I will require at least a 5 minutes stay.
A neighbor will watch the front door from across the street and using a supplied stopwatch, will time your entry and departure.
Please supply your own footwear.
The noodles will be cooked, and therefore slippery.
DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.

Do you have a small, incontinent dog?

...or perhaps you work for a small dog rescue of some sort. Either way, I have a package of small doggy diapers. I don't want to throw them out coz they are pretty expensive. (as someone with a small, incontnent dog would already know) Please don't try to put them on a cat. It won't work. Trust me.

Note: I checked. Hair Whisperers is a real business in San Francisco.

Source: Best of Craigslist