17 August 2009

The "Best" Of Craigslist

More unedited ads from craigslist.

WhaleMobile *UNIQUE*
This one of a kind "WhaleMobile" is for sale. It needs new tires, but otherwise starts right up and runs fine. Not street legal, but still fun to drive, good for birthday parties and events. A lever inside the cockpit controls the whale tail, and allows some up and down motion. Water pump inside cockpit still works, and will build up pressure to be released through blowhole up top. It has working headlights.

This was a project my grandfather worked on when I was a kid, and it used to terrify me, as I have an inexplicable fear of these evil creatures. I am hoping to sell it by the end of the month, as I owe child support and don't have the cash to cover it at the moment. This was built off of the frame of an otherwise perfect 1986 Yugo Cabrio. The vehicle itself has 38,000 miles on it, but it was badly damaged in a hailstorm and the bodywork was completely demolished. My grandfather got the idea of turning it into a WhaleMobile off of some cartoon, and he took his crazy idea and ran with it.

Serious inquiries only, but all are welcome to come and see the WhaleMobile in action. Please leave the harpoons at home.

Call me directly at 502.XXX.1137 for more details, leave a message if I don't answer.
1,325 Pope Hats
Because of this terrible economy, I'm having to shut down my business. I have OVER 1300 Pope hats (replicas) that I REALLY need to get rid of. The pope hats came from China and are a little too small for most adult heads and are also irritating to the skin, so you would need to have long hair or wear a smaller hat underneath (just like the REAL POPE). Dogs do not like to wear these pope hats, but maybe a large cat or maybe a nice dog would wear one. My dogs will not but they are not very nice and always hate being dressed up like for Halloween when we tried to dress them up like batman but they became very very agitated and bit a neighbors kid. I will lock the dogs up when you come get all of these pope hats.

My wife is a devout catholic and she finds the presence of all of these pope hats all over the house to be blasphemous. I have pope hats in every closet, pope hats under the sink, pope hats full of other pope hats. She will not stop talking to me about getting rid of the pope hats and has started lighting candles all over the house for my soul but these pope hats are extremely flammable so its a problem in my house (there are pope hats everywhere).

I payed 10x what I'm asking for when I bought these pope hats. I still think there is a market for them maybe when the economy turns around. Act NOW! Don't miss this great deal! I have 1,325 total (I counted this morning). 3 of them have some dog bites and one of them is burnt to a crisp, but you can take that one or leave it. Bring 2-3 strong friends.
Sweet Maverick seeks Commitment-Minded Professor or Researcher
If you accept that I am an intuitive and unconventional soul of high integrity; if you accept that I cannot march but to the beat of my own drum, you may be a good fit to become my best friend and life partner.

Since I have been surrounded by brilliant academics all through my life, I know for sure that they are my best match. A slightly Bohemian, unattached, monogamous and spiritual scholar would be my ideal counterpart.

My exes are academics as well, and I did help them a lot in editing their articles and keynote speeches.

Words like casual dating, instant gratification and one-night stand are entirely missing from my dictionary. If you live by different rules, you are reading the wrong ad.

I am a lot of women in a woman. Everything you have gone through in Life, I went through ten times worse and ten times longer.

However, instead of surrendering my fate to priests, doctors, lawyers, gurus, MBAs and other consultants, I joyfully connect to the Inner Light of my own Soul. That makes me one of a kind and keeps me young.

As the only Eastern-type mystic in a European Judeo-Christian family of left-brain governed, high-profile intellectuals, I consider myself unique.

Although my peers, friends and family views me as someone whose thinking is a few sigma from the median, we love each other endlessly; that is all what counts.

When my parents first brought me back from the hospital in early spring, our courtyard became full of blooming yellow roses. This is a rare occurrence in my home country, so a relative of ours sought out for a Rebbe to decipher this coincidence.

We learnt from the holy man that I came to this planet to manifest the qualities of Tiferet, the Sacred Heart of the Tree of Life. (Wiki has a good explanation).

Later on in my life, the same Rebbe agreed to teach me the basics of Kabbala / Zohar at times and in a country where this mystical knowledge was forbidden to females. Let alone goyishe kups!

I cannot take ANY credit for my verbal dexterity, astuteness and general mind power. It comes directly from my Dad. I inherited my teaching talent from him as well. Although he should have been a stand-up comedian, he was a top academic instructor of his field until he moved on to do other things.

My converted Catholic Mum is fully responsible for the pragmatic streak in me.

My polyglot grandparents passed on some genes to have a decent working knowledge of at least half-a-dozen languages.

My former professors and my family will forever resent the fact that in spite of the top grades I got, I decided not to continue on with a Ph.D. in cognitive neuroscience.

The world may have lost a bright scholar, but humanity may have gained a humble servant with a compassionate heart. I feel I fulfill my soul purpose better as a performer of random acts of kindness and senseless beauty. (I do them in secret; that is pretty much the only secret I keep�)

Like a typical only child, solitude is my bliss and being self-sufficient is my middle name; however, my EQ score did not fall in my lap. Loneliness and/or boredom are unknown to me.

My close friends tell me that I am much like Madonna. I do admire her discipline, determination and her willingness to change perpetually. I also have a special connection with dance (classical ballet). However, I used to be cast in shows with spiritual themes.

Choreographers recognized early on that my body and artistic expression is well suited to express and transmit powerful female energies (i.e. Shiva�s wives, Tara, Celtic goddesses, Pocahontas and the like).

I can compose faster than most people talk, but I probably reached the point of no return as it comes to an average human�s focus of attention.

As I end this message, I genuinely thank you for reading this missive. I believe it is not a coincidence that you read it. Allow me to send you love in this moment. We know that time is an illusion, right?

I attached my most recent picture taken on Friday, May 22, 2009. -Tiffy
You stabbed me, took my gold, and I fell in love - m4w
Last night, I was strolling back towards town to sell all the junk I'd picked up for from leveling and I met you. I was the level 9 Magician, letting my guard down as I neared the safety of the town gates and guards. You were the level 43 assassin who killed me in one hit, inches from safety, then took my gold. You have long green hair and a dagger of ogre slaying (no offense taken). You took my gold, stayed with my body for a second, then blinked a few feet away and continued running. The moment was short, and was also probably just lag, but it was the most meaningful one I've had so far. Find me in game, I'll wait outside town. And don't worry, I don't need the gold back, just you.

Location: Forest of the Elders

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